Things I love about Tunisian culture

I am in the midst of a visit to Tunisia, my first visit in over 11 years, after living here a long time ago. People are full of the euphoria of the revolution (Ben Ali being forced out of power by a peaceful uprising of the people, just recently), and hopeful about the future. They are talking about how awful the dictatorial Ben Ali regime was, and how they want and will now insist on freedom and democracy; how they are not going to allow anyone to do that to them again. I am going about searching for and reconnecting with old friends, and catching up. And I've found myself thinking a lot about some of the things I love about Tunisian culture.

I love...

The strong commitment to relationship and friendship, and some of the ways that works out. (Several of) my Tunisian friends insisted on hosting me; the ones I stayed with insisted on picking me up at the airport (I would gladly and could easily have caught a taxi); did not complain when I get hung up there for 2 hours, but were only glad and welcoming when I come out. They took me into their home and treated me like a long-lost family member (after 11 years away), giving me one of their rooms (my friend the father gladly sleeping out on the couch because of the arrangement - I tried to convince him to let me sleep on the couch, but he wouldn't hear of it), insisting that I take one of their cars for getting around (or driving me themselves), giving me one of their cell phones to use (I was going to buy a SIM card for my phone) and being ready to do anything for me at any time night or day, with pleasure. I try to argue with them, but to no avail. When they say, “ad-dar, darik” (our home is your home), they mean it. Seriously, they put me to shame.

I love how the relationships stay strong despite the years and despite the absence and even despite little contact. Being back with them, it's almost as if no time went by. I love how when I contacted the family of a friend, and made a plan to meet him at his parents' house after work one day, not only he showed up, but two of his brothers (who came out of their way to see me), and their mother. And how they all said over and over how much they miss us, and how they always talk about us. And it was so wonderful to be reconnected, and to feel so special.

I love how when it turned out that that friend is now married and has two kids, he of course insisted on taking me to his house to meet them, and his wife welcomed me warmly as if I were her brother-in-law or another member of the family. They insisted I eat with them (though I told him I had a dinner engagement - I ate twice that night!), and that I stay overnight (several friends insisted on this) - "we won't let you go," they always say. And I really didn't want to be let go of...

I love how people keep telling me, “you are part of our family - you are our brother” - and they mean it. I have no doubt, if I became homeless, I could show up in Tunisia and my friends would take me in as if I were part of their family. Maybe I shouldn't say “as if” - I feel that I really am part of their families.

I love how people greet, all the asking “how are you?” and “how is your family?” (member by member), and “you're fine?” (labaas?) - all the concern it shows. And how all my friends here ask about everyone in my family, where they are and what they're doing, and about my mother and father and brothers and their families, too (my parents and brothers all visited while we were living here). And with interest and concern.

I love how when you show up at someone's house, and all you want to do is see them and catch up, they insist on feeding you (and I love Tunisian food!). In fact, any time, even when you haven't been gone for long, if you show up, they feed you (good food, too!). And they bring you coffee or tea, and other things, without asking (and without letting you refuse). And they insist on taking care of you because you are in their country, and that includes paying for you when you go somewhere (no "going Dutch" here!). All part of comprehensive relational caring.

I love how couples and families will sit together and talk with you, men and women and young people together (vs. in some parts of this region, where women and men don't sit together, don't hardly mix at all), and it's “normal” (“c'est normale”). I love that women are treated with respect.

I love how relational (vs. task and time oriented) Tunisians are, how they'll interrupt what they're doing to chat or have a cup of coffee when you show up.

I love the event-oriented, time flexibility of Tunisians, going with the flow, letting events with people run their course, not being uptight about exactly what time I show up somewhere (I apologize about running late, but they aren't on that wavelength - so I can relax and just enjoy time with people, and let what happens, happen).

I love the generosity, the hospitality, how deeply people give. Going with two of my former students, for example. Trying to pay for the taxi, for lunch, but to no avail (I really wanted to). Buying something (shopping for my wife), being a bit short on cash, my student (now my friend) "loaning" me what I was short, but when I went to pay her back, it was refused (spontaneously - it's just the "what's mine is yours, there's nothing between us" heart and mindset of Tunisians). And many of the friends I've visited, just spontaneously giving me something of theirs to take back to my wife. (And on a larger scale, I've heard so many reports these days of the spontaneous generosity of Tunisians down at the Libyan border, providing food and supplies and help to the refugees pouring out of Libya.)

I love the Tunisian dialect, so different from Egyptian, Lebanese, Jordanian, and other dialects; the first dialect I learned, with the "sweat and blood" of thousands of hours of invested time. I love the unique local expressions, and the way they mix in French (riggel amorik, etc.).

I love how open-minded Tunisians are, how aware of the world, how tolerant, how non-parochial.

And I suppose, more than anything, I love how they all make me feel so special, so welcome, so loved.

I'm glad we moved here 28 years ago, and that we spent 12 years of our lives here, and that we've been able to come back, and still have so many friends with so many shared memories. I look forward to more to come.

God bless Tunisia and the Tunisian people.